Being in love is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world—ask any historian, poet, or average human. So falling out of love, or not being loved by the person you love, is one of the most painful things a person can go through. Still, there are few adults who haven’t had their heart broken, so know you’re not alone in your experience.
If your boyfriend falls out of love with you, whether he’s told you directly or you just suspect, you’re probably dealing with a lot of negative feelings. Read on to learn some good ways to work through it and come out the other side stronger than ever!
Keep a feelings journal.
It’s not going to feel particularly fun or productive at first, but making a short entry by hand or on your phone every day will really help you put into words all the complex feelings you’re experiencing. Picking whether the morning or night (or both!) is the best time is your decision.
Even if all you say is “I’m pissed off” or “I’m really sad and I cried all day,” that’s great! The idea is to check in with yourself. It’s easy to sweep your feelings under the rug and try to focus on other things, and that won’t help you heal or feel better long-term.
Know it’s not your fault.
Blaming yourself for how other people feel is about as productive as digging a hole to the center of the earth. The more you blame yourself, the worse you feel, and the deeper the hole gets.
Trust me, you’ll dig forever and ever before you get any satisfaction out of it, and it doesn’t help anyone. In fact, it’s only hurting you, and it’s sticking you deep in a hole of guilt!
Even if you’ve had difficulties in your relationship, if he’s fallen out of love with you, it never has been and will never be your “fault.”
There’s no fault in feelings; they’re just feelings, plain and simple, and you can’t control or harness someone else’s emotions. Don’t beat yourself up over something that’s not in your control, and focus on coping and getting through this.
If you suspect he’s falling out of love with him, have that hard conversation.
If you’re reading this article because you think your boyfriend is falling out of love with you, take a minute to consider why you think that. Is he acting distant?
Has he been mean or picking a lot of fights? Does he seem close to another girl and secretive about his relationship with her? Write down all the things you’ve noticed, and take a step back to look at it as fairly as you can. You might realize you’re experiencing some relationship anxiety, which is completely normal.
Or you might realize you’ve got a lot of red flags going on. In that case, it’s a good idea to get ready for a difficult conversation with him. Ask him directly how he’s feeling and if he still wants this relationship with you.
Even if you’re feeling upset, try your best to approach not as an attack, but as a concerned girlfriend who really wants it to work out between you two. Or, if you’re angry and you want to end things, let him know that! That conversation is in your control and you’ve got the power.
If he’s told you he doesn’t love you, cut ties.
A guy who’s callous enough to say that right to your face doesn’t deserve to keep a relationship with you. Breaking up is the most healthy thing any couple can do if one of you doesn’t feel the spark anymore.
Even if your boyfriend is sad and regretful he doesn’t love you anymore, it’s still for the best to end things. You can both try to mend your relationship if you want, but that could cause false hope and make it even more painful to break up in the future.
Again, it’s up to both of you, but a relationship without love is like baking without flour. It’ll burn up eventually unless you add it back into the mix.
After you’ve broken up, focus on yourself.
Every article out there will tell you “self care!” when you’re going through a breakup. But let’s face it: the hardest thing in the world is to force yourself to eat healthy, go to the gym, and work long hours when your heart is shattered. That’s why in this article, we’re not promoting self-care in that traditional sense.
Focusing on yourself—putting your own physical, mental, and emotional needs before everyone and everything else—is the most powerful thing you can do post-breakup. What that means exactly is up to you.
Ice cream and crying sessions with your best friends? Therapy and meditation?
Picking up a second job or a new side hustle? Cultivating a hobby you’ve always wanted to try?
Partying late into the night until your blisters have blisters? Whatever your lifestyle change may be, make sure you are Priority #1, and you’re taking care of your health in all areas.
Don’t fall into self-sabotage or self-harmful behaviors. You deserve so much better.
Broaden your horizons.
This is the most important step in focusing on yourself when your heart is broken. What “broadening your horizons” looks like is also up to you!
Finding a way to snap yourself out of that sadness is integral to healing. Maybe meeting new people (but not yet new guys, please!) and making a new friend is the way to snap yourself out of a funk.
Maybe it’s spending a lot of time alone and engaging in hobbies. Really ask yourself what you want out of your life, and make some small habit and lifestyle changes to fit that vision.
If you’re not sure where to start, or realize a lot of your instincts are leading toward self-harmful coping mechanisms, a good place to look is a solid self-help book. Do some research and pick one with a voice and message that resonates.
Remember, ladies: When he falls out of love with you, that’s your sign to fall INTO love with YOURSELF! There’s no time like the present to bounce back from your pain, process it in however much time you need, and evolve into a happier, more successful self. Go you!