We are always watching romantic comedy movies where the main character finds the perfect partner and they live “happily ever after”. What these movies won’t show us is the other face of love; the ugly face of love.
What they won’t show us is the face where the main character falls out of love, or the face where she realizes she was never in love to begin with.
We want to watch movies where the girl doesn’t always wake up feeling head over heels with someone. We want to watch movies where the girl has intrusive thoughts about the relationship and has to question her feelings for her partner.
“Am I with this guy because I feel lonely?”
“Is this a rebound that lasted a little more than it should have?”
“Why am I still with him if I feel so indifferent?”
We don’t want to feel like we are the “bad guy” for breaking someone’s heart. We don’t want to feel obliged to stay with someone because it’s “unnatural” to fall out of love.
These things happen, and the first step would be to come clean with the fact that you’re not really in love after all.
Below are some definite signs that you’re not really in love.
1- Open Channels of Communication
If you are still following your ex on Instagram and stalking their every move, then you might still be hung up and that you don’t even have the love to give someone else. How can you really invest in a relationship when your energy is invested with the Margarita that your ex is sipping with his new girl?
Moreover, if you still haven’t deleted your Tinder profile, then you might be unconsciously hunting for other potential prospects and that you’re not really in love with your current partner.
If you find yourself constantly fantasizing about that cute worker from Starbucks, then that’s your red flag.
2- They’re Not Your Confidante
If your partner is not the first person you run to when things go bad; if they are not your confidante, why are you still with them?
If you don’t gossip about your coworker- who got pregnant by someone who is not her husband– then why are you still with them?
If you don’t wake them up in the middle of the night to share your darkest thoughts, then you’re not really in love.
3- You’re Trying to Change Them
We believe in the infamous quote that “love is blind”. Because when you really love someone, you will fall in love with their nastiest habits- and yes, we are talking about loving someone even if they pick their teeth in public.
So, if you find yourself constantly trying to change how your partner looks, walks and talks then please leave them to someone who would love them just the way they are. Because someone out there thinks that they are just beautiful.
4- You’re Not Sharing Experiences
It has been scientifically proven that love fuels our brains with happy hormones. Science says, the more you are in love, the more likely you will act crazy because of these brain chemicals.
So, if you’re not interested in creating new memories and seeking out crazy adventures with your partner, it’s time to consider your relationship status.
When you’re in love, you would want to discover new places with them and try new activities together.
Hello! Cupid has wings for a reason: It’s to keep that little fella from falling while doing all these crazy things.
5- They’re Not Your Most Recurring Thought
When you love someone, they are constantly on your mind. You’re having lunch at work, and you think about them and wonder if they had something to eat. You spend the day with your girls, but still want to hear from your partner every now and then.
If you don’t miss them; if you don’t find yourself thinking about them often, then you’re not really in love.
And NO, we are not talking about obsessing over them and saving the little hairs that fall out from their head. But, if you don’t miss them after a long day or don’t have that pressing urge to speak to them, then you are not really in love.
6- You Feel Indifferent
Do you know what’s the opposite of love? No. It’s not “hate”.
The opposite of love is indifference. Indifference is the absence of emotions, interest, and sympathy. If your partner has a need and they communicate it to you, and it still doesn’t bother you…you are indifferent.
If you get in a huge fight with your partner, and you don’t feel bad about it…you are indifferent.
If your partner does a grand gesture, and you don’t get excited or overwhelmed…you are indifferent.
If you feel indifferent to your partner, then it’s time to let them go.
7- You Enjoy Other People’s Company
Your partner should be one of the people you love hanging out with. It’s not normal to enjoy your friends’ company more than you enjoy your partner’s- every single time.
If you don’t feel excited when you see your partner, then you’re not in love anymore. If you would choose your girls over him every single time, then it’s not meant to be. You should be having fun together.
If you feel like you would rather go clubbing than see your boo, then you’re not really in love after all.
Loving someone unconditionally and receiving that love from that someone, has to be one of the greatest feelings to ever experience. If you are with someone, and you feel like you’re not happy with them; if you feel like they are not your person, please leave them to find someone else.
One thing to keep in mind: If you think you are worthy of love and that you deserve to be loved, so do other people. We all deserve to be loved.