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Help, Why Is It So Hard For Me To Trust My Boyfriend?

It’s Tuesday night and you find yourself driving around your boyfriend’s house. You search for his car, and you search for any sign that would hush that voice in your head telling you not to trust him. 

 

You also find it difficult to trust his words when he says “I love you”. You keep wondering to yourself “where is this coming from? Why do I do this to myself? And why is it so hard for me to trust my boyfriend”?

 

Let’s be real, you can’t have a functional and loving relationship if the trust is not there. You would drive yourself crazy if you keep questioning the validity of every word he utters, or every action he takes. 

 

And the vicious cycle doesn’t only include you, it includes him as well. Eventually, the relationship is bound to be doomed by all these accusations.

 

Before taking any step further, you need to get to the bottom of this; you need to know the reason behind your lack of trust. Below, we have reasons why you might find it difficult to trust your boyfriend.

 

1- He’s A Notorious Womanizer

 

Your guy had a full past of getting around with multiple girls at the same time. Maybe you know a couple of his ex-girlfriends, and maybe they don’t have nice things to say about him.

 

Or maybe when you started going out with him, he was already with someone else and he left her to be with you. You keep wondering to yourself if he is going to do the same thing with you.

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Well, sorry to break it down to you, but don’t ever think that a player would change for you; don’t ever believe that your love made him faithful. 

 

2- You’re Still Healing Old Wounds

 

You’re Still Healing Old Wounds

 

So maybe your boyfriend hurt you before and you thought you got over it, but you didn’t. We all heard the cliche saying that trust is like a glass, once it gets broken it can never be the same again.

 

We cannot say it enough because it’s true!

 

We’ve all been here before; gave the cheater another chance. Little did we know that we gave him a chance to do it again and that we were only buying time until we experienced the hurt once again.

 

We’re not sure why, but some people have the power within them to forgive someone for cheating and can actually start over. If you feel like your relationship cannot be redeemed then why even try? If you feel like you can never trust this guy again, then just end it already.

 

3- Something Smells Fishy 

 

Girls usually have a sixth and seventh sense about these things, and we know when something is off. When your guy is acting sketchy, then there has to be something going on.

 

It’s pretty normal to experience feelings of mistrust when your boyfriend starts doing the following:

 

  • His passwords are changed- or he never shared it with you before.
  • He doesn’t always answer his phone- although it seems like it’s always with him.
  • He disappears for hours and his alibis are not reasonable. 
  • He makes secretive phone calls and jumps whenever his phone is buzzing.
  • He flirts with other women- and yes, flirting with the waitress while you’re on a date is not normal.
  • He rarely calls you by your first name- it’s usually “babe” or “hon”, this is an old trick for not accidentally saying the wrong name.
  • He is hiding you from his friends and family. He is always saying that you guys should take it slow and not tell anyone because he doesn’t want to jinx it.
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If your boy is doing the above-mentioned, then you have every right NOT to trust him. 

 

4- He Wasn’t There For You

 

Sometimes, the underlying reason for not trusting someone is because they weren’t there for you when you needed them. Maybe you went through a transitional phase in your life, or maybe you faced a difficult situation and he didn’t give you the support you needed. 

 

Moreover, he could have gaslighted you or invalidated your feelings while you were in a fight. Gaslighting can cause the trust to fade away gradually and can take a toll on the relationship. 

 

Trust is something that builds slowly, and it can be strengthened by the ups and downs that we go through. If your guy is not here for you to cheer for you in the ups, and to lift you through the downs, then how can you ever trust him?

 

5- You Have Trust Issues

 

Okay, sometimes the problem can be you. Did you ever wonder if YOU have trust issues? You need to get to the bottom of things before you start with the accusations. You might need to work on yourself if:

 

  • You were previously in an abusive relationship where you could never trust your partner, and now you are projecting this mistrust on your current boyfriend. 
  • You were abandoned by a parent at a young age. Most likely, our relationship with our parents can take a huge toll on our romantic relationships. If you feel like you can’t trust your parental figures, then you might find it difficult to trust anyone else.  
  • You don’t have a model for a relationship that has trust. Maybe you grew up with parents who were indifferent to each other and fought often. 
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You Have Trust Issues

 

Trust is one of the most essential foundations of the relationship. It can become quite exhausting to keep questioning everything. You can never be present at the moment with your boyfriend if you are unable to feel like you can trust him. 

 

If you think your relationship is worth saving, then it might be worth it to sit down with your boyfriend and have a heart-to-heart talk with him. You might be surprised how good it would feel, or you might decide that you want to put an end to it. Either way, you will be moving forward. 

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