How Do You Know If You Love Someone or Just Used to Them?

Love, they say, is an action word. It is what you do and not only what you say.

How do you differentiate love from familiarity? It is essential to ask yourself a few questions and put some factors into consideration. More importantly, you need to be sincere and true in your decision.


Love or Familiarity?


Familiarity can cloud your judgement about your feelings towards an individual. It can either make you want to settle for less by accepting the person when you can always get someone better.


Love or Familiarity?


You want to make the person who is available, desirable since the desirable is not available. Sometimes when you think you love someone, it may be because they are an inevitable part of your life. 


On the other hand, the fact that a person is always a part of your life and you are used to them can make you downplay your affections towards them. Familiarity breeds contempt. They already know your likes, dislikes, tastes, distaste and any idiosyncrasy.


They can tell what you can do in any situation and you can predict their corresponding responses. You know where they will be at any point in time, what they will be doing, and any necessary information is at your disposal. Isn’t that what we all seek in a good partner?


Most times what we have is the best but we seek another which may not be as great as what we had initially. Meanwhile, we cannot go back to what we had initially because whether we like it or not, leaving in the first place has dented any future interaction we may want to build later.

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To know exactly what you are feeling for this individual, you need to understand their relationship with you. Do you want something else in a love relationship?


How then, do you decipher what you are feeling? Is it love or familiarity?


Five Questions You Need to Ask


Here are five questions you need to ask yourself before jumping to conclusions:


  • Does their presence bring you joy and peace?
  •  What extent can you go to keep them around you?
  • Are there qualities they possess that pull you towards them?
  •  If you have the opportunity to meet someone else with similar qualities, will you still stick with them?
  •  Can you allow them to see someone else without wanting to have them back in your life doing exactly what they will do with the new person?


You do not need to lose a great person just because you are used to them. At the same time, you do not need to limit yourself just because someone is always around you.


This is why you need to ask yourself these very sincere questions and give yourself some time to answer the questions with an open mind.


What if they don’t choose you in return?


Sometimes all the fuss about whether you love an individual becomes unnecessary when you realize if the tables were turned, you may not be their first choice. Your true feelings about them surface.


You either want them so badly, being used to them becomes a severe punishment. Or you realize you didn’t love them from the get-go.

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You can be used to someone and they are not even used to you, talk more about being in love with you.


Get some space


She needs to Get some space


Take some time away from the status quo. What if you are not in the same space, will you still feel the same?


What if they are no longer a part of your life, will you want more? Sometimes it is the crowded emotions that are at play.


You may not necessarily want something if it is not readily available to you. Hence, the need to take some time away from the environment or the individual. You can do this without them realizing it, so you do not hurt their feelings.


In the period when you are away, try to occupy your mind with something else. You can engage in activities that do not make you think about them.


Find out how easy it is for you to keep them away from your mind. You need to be sincere while trying to consider this factor. You should not force an outcome.


If you can easily get them off your mind and work out your emotions while you are away from them, then it shows you were only in love because of the proximity. However, if in your honest opinion, you keep getting pulled towards them emotionally while you are apart, then you can ascertain it is love and not just being used to them.


Looking for ‘Carbon Copies’ of the Individual


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You may have tried some relationships that did not work out because the person you are dating does not understand your relationship with this friend you have in your life. You may find yourself wanting any new person to be like the person you have in your life already.


All these subtle hints should tell you what you are feeling.


The feelings you have for them may become normal over an extended period which may make you undermine the authenticity of your emotions. Nonetheless, love stands the test of time and when you are sincere with yourself, you eventually realize the truth.


You may be used to someone without noticing the changes they go through at the same time the changes you go through. So it is possible that initially when you met them, they were not exactly what you wanted.


At the same time, you were not emotionally mature enough to be sure of what you want. However, over time they have evolved and so have you. The interaction may have helped both of you to become what you want in a great partner.


Hence you should not throw away an opportunity to be happy just because you are used to them. Rather embrace the comfort of loving someone familiar.


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