It’s a Monday morning and the highlight of your day is when your partner leaves for work. You feel like you can genuinely enjoy your cup of coffee in their absence; you don’t have to deal with the loud drama or the dreadful silence that fills the room.
You find yourself singing at the top of your lungs in the shower and you find comfort that you will get to spend time away from them.
A sudden feeling of guilt overwhelms you and you think to yourself: “Am I happier without them? What would my life look like if I leave? Can I actually start over? What would happen to them? What would happen to me?”
Sure, we all need some alone time every once in a while; however, if the feeling is persistent and you believe that you would be better off without them, there’s something not right.
But you can’t just pack your bags and leave everything behind, can you? How do you know if this is only a phase or if it’s time to leave the relationship? How can people just put an end to something that has a hold on many years of their lives?
How do you know when it’s time to leave a long-term relationship?
1- Acts Of Love Bother You
Are you moved by the emptiness that overwhelms you when you watch a romantic comedy movie? Do you feel like “love” is exaggerated and that these movies project unrealistic emotions?
Are you annoyed by that couple who seem genuinely happy? Are you disgusted when they show affection towards each other? Do you keep telling yourself that their relationship is “fake” and that there’s something “fishy” about it?
Do you keep telling your friends that their “happiness” in a relationship is only present in the honeymoon phase and that it’s bound to end at some point?
Maybe unconsciously you want to have that kind of love and maybe you want someone to feel the same way about you.
2- You Lost Sense Of Personality
You resent the person you’ve become and you feel like you have zero energy to change. You may feel like all those years have washed away your sense of personality, and that you’ve become completely unrecognizable.
You feel like you changed many aspects of your personality just to compromise with your partner. Maybe, at some point in your life, you were adventurous but now you never leave the house because your partner is a couch potato.
Maybe you were a sports fan but your partner often criticized you and told you that sports are a waste of time so you eventually stopped watching games.
You look at yourself in the mirror and you don’t find that adrenaline-driven character anymore, and you ask yourself “who is that person?”
3- You Fancy Other People
You often find yourself fantasizing about someone else, and you’re living vigorously for your lucid daydreams about that person. Your partner might notice that you’re acting differently, and most probably they won’t give it a second thought.
You probably also don’t mind if your partner has “sexy” feelings towards someone else. You might even be okay to see your partner flirt with others. For instance, you are out with your partner and he is flirting with the waitress and you feel absolutely nothing.
If you find yourself not caring whether your partner wants you physically or not, then that’s your sign to leave.
4- It Feels Like Toxic
Your partner is supposed to be a source of comfort and happiness; the relationship is not supposed to feel toxic. Below are signs that your relationship is becoming toxic:
- Every time something comes up they pull the list of “past mistakes” and start naming every past event you made a mistake. And you also do the same!
- You feel like they are holding you back and that you’re embarrassed to share your goals with them because they might belittle you or make fun of your aspirations.
- Your feelings towards them are a mixture of anger, guilt, and resentment. Most of the time you feel completely lonely and that they are not there for you.
- You feel like they don’t even understand you, and are not even attempting to do so. They don’t even know what song ticks you!
- They can’t even tell if you’re not okay or if you’re sad about something. You could be going through a major life event and they wouldn’t notice if something is wrong.
- Other reasons are keeping you together. Maybe you share a house with them or maybe you have a kid with them. Or maybe if you leave them you have no place else to go.
- You feel like you’re walking on eggshells and that anything you might do might stir a fight. It seems like you can never agree on anything, and at the same time, it feels like something could explode if you happen to disagree.
- You try manipulating them into feeling certain feelings towards you, and they do the same thing to you.
5- You Make Zero Effort
You no longer want to dress up for your partner and you could care less about your hygiene or grooming. You don’t care about impressing them and you don’t want to feel sexy around them as well.
This is not okay because even birds have rituals when they are mating, so why can’t you?
When it feels like you no longer want to do the effort, the relationship is over. And it’s not just the physical stuff, you also don’t want to invest in working on the relationship. You feel like you don’t have the energy to “fix” things, or even experience new things with them or travel to new places with them.
It’s time to let them go and for both of you to find a chance at love. You deserve to live in a romantic comedy movie.