Do you find yourself obsessing about your boyfriend’s female friends? Do you find yourself constantly comparing yourself to them? Do you feel like you’re in a competition and you’re afraid you could lose the race?
Jealousy is a natural human feeling; it stems from the fear of being abandoned and replaced by someone you care about. A little jealousy is pretty normal; however, this tiny seed of jealousy can easily bloom into a big tree that would shadow your way of thinking.
Jealousy will take away your slightest feelings of joy and paint them with gloomy colors. It will prevent you from being present in the moment because you will be so focused on your “competition” instead of actually seizing the day.
This feeling will impair your judgment and it will become all you can think about. Consequently, it will affect your relationship with your boyfriend and it can turn ugly.
So how can you stop being jealous of your boyfriend’s female friends?
Learning how to act in such scenarios will only make you look more confident and it will only strengthen your relationship with your partner. There are steps that you need to take in order to know how to deal with this situation.
1- Consider Other People’s Intentions
You could be obsessing about his female friend and believe she wants him all to herself, while that could be the furthest thing from the truth.
Before judging this girl, ask yourself: “What are her motives?”
Does she have another man in her life and she only has eyes for him? Or do you constantly catch her looking at him and trying to get a moment alone with him?
Does she treat you like she wants to be your friend? Or is she cold to you and barely looks at you? Is she including you in the conversation or is she talking to everyone except for you?
If you feel like you’re unable to objectively judge the situation, ask one of your closest friends to give you their insight as a third objective party.
2- Consider Your Insecurities First
Ask yourself: “Do I have every right to be jealous? Or am I just projecting my own insecurities?”
There’s a difference between being jealous of her because she’s unbelievably pretty vs. being jealous because she calls him in the middle of the night.
There’s a huge difference between being jealous of her because she has something that you don’t vs. being jealous because she’s always finding an excuse to touch him.
Is she doing something that sincerely makes you feel threatened? Or is it only your own insecurities?
Honestly ask yourself: “Do I not want him to have female friends in general? Or do I not want him to be friends with this person because she’s hitting on him?”
3- Evaluate Your Trust Issues
Some of us can’t help but feel these negative feelings because we have deep trust issues. Consider the honesty of your feelings towards this girl if you were cheated on before.
It’s normal to feel threatened if you’ve been hurt before. However, you shouldn’t allow it to affect you this much because you will end up losing your man. It must be exhausting for him to keep justifying his behaviors if he’s genuinely loyal.
However, if you have no trust issues, but your man is giving you every reason to hate this girl, then you might be in trouble. If he’s giving her more attention than you and if he’s spending more time with her, you might have an issue here. If you constantly find yourself in a competition with her over him, you need to leave because this rarely ends well.
4- Consider His Feelings About This
Does your boyfriend know that you’re feeling this way towards this girl? Did you talk to him about it? How did his behavior change since you’ve talked about this?
Did he get defensive and call you crazy? Or did he rationally talk you through this and assure you that you’re his one and only girl?
What men don’t realize is that they play a huge role in this; if he’s milking the situation and making you feel horrible about it, then you need to leave. But, if he’s patient and trying his best to make you feel loved, then YOU need to change. He’s not going to be patient forever and he deserves to be in a relationship where he’s trusted.
5- Consider How This Girl Feels
Does she want to get closer to you? Do you feel like she’s trying to befriend you and be nice to you?
What would happen if you actually gave this girl a real chance? You never know, you might become best friends and laugh about it someday!
She also might feel threatened by you because you’re taking away her friend, maybe they were childhood friends!
Maybe hanging out with her will show you once and for all that she wants nothing to do with him other than being his friend. Maybe you will learn that she has someone else in her life and has no room to play around with your man! But how would you know if you never hang out with her?
6- Consider Your Relationship Status
Sometimes our feelings of jealousy are justified and the sad truth is, sometimes we feel what we feel because we know deep down inside that this man is a cheater and he cannot be trusted around other women.
Maybe your negative feelings towards this girl aren’t much about her; it’s all about him and you’re just projecting these feelings toward her because you can’t hate him!
If you don’t trust your man, it’s no way to live. Why would you want to be in a relationship where you constantly have to feel threatened?