If you have ever heard of a Love Language, then you know one of the languages is through Touch. And if you have not heard of a Love Language – here is a quick rundown.
What is your Love Language?
Love Languages are a way of communicating your love and affection for someone. This can be complicated since one person’s way of communicating love is not going to be received by someone whose language is different.
Let us review the five languages of love and what they mean.
- Touch – self-explanatory but as a note, touch does not always have to be sexual to convey one’s feelings.
- Affirmation – the act of telling someone you love them or hearing that your significant other is proud to be with you. Statements that express one’s feelings.
- Quality Time – spending time with your significant other whether it’s watching a show together or going to a location that is important to you, together.
- Acts of Service – when one goes out of their way to serve their partner. Whether it is doing the laundry for them, cooking, helping them with a car issue, and so on.
- Receiving Gifts – also simple to understand. But gift-giving and gift-receiving is a two-way street of a love language. Understanding what your partner wants, and then enjoying it is much different than just getting them a generic or thoughtless gift to check off a box.
Bringing up these love languages is not just some way to educate you. It is a way to ask you, the reader – is touch something you even want from your husband?
If this is your husband’s way of expressing his love to you, and receiving touch in return – have you considered what your husband could do instead for you?
Is your disgust based on your preference or is it something deeper than that?
The Language Isn’t the Problem…or is it?
Okay, so the language of touch is not what is inspiring disgust within you. Since that is not the case, what else could it be?
Is your husband no longer attractive to you? When you look at him, do you see the man you wanted once upon a time?
Has his body changed in any way that unnerves you? It might seem unkind to put it that way, but the moment you are honest with yourself, you can begin to work through the issue.
Maybe it is not a physical issue, but an emotional one.
Has your husband’s behavior changed lately? Is he meaner?
Has he become immature? Does he ignore you except for when he wishes to be intimate with you?
If these issues have cropped up lately, it might be time to talk with him about it. A marriage counselor could be helpful to you both.
If your husband is reaching out through touch because he is stifled in any other way of showing his love, therapy could equip him with the right tools to love you better.
The problem, should you wish to address it, could be fixed with just a little honest conversation.
Scary, but true.
It’s not that simple…
If none of these talking points seem relatable to you, then –
Let’s talk matters of the heart.
Do you still love your husband?
Not in the way that you might love a friend and wish him well.
No, I mean are you deeply, romantically, intimately in love with your husband?
Think about it. Do you consider your devotion to your husband to be true and right? Do you think about him and long to be near him?
If you find yourself tolerating your husband’s presence rather than longing for him to be there with you, there could be an issue.
Falling out of love with the man you married is not as rare as you think.
Falling out of lust with your husband is even more common.
Let’s focus on the love part for now.
Sit with the possibility that your heart is no longer in your marriage and decide what that means for you. Does it mean divorce, therapy, reconciliation, resignation? As long as you can pinpoint where the disgust comes from, you can move forward.
It’s not the love – but it could be the lust.
Falling out of lust with your partner can be attributed to a few things. We discussed the issue before about your husband’s body changing, so that could be it.
However, what about your body?
Has your self-esteem changed lately? Have you gained weight, or are you struggling with your self-image as a whole? Does it seem insane to you that your husband could want you?
If so, your disgust could be anchored in your mental state. There’s no reason you can think of why your husband would want to have sex with you.
Who needs a reason for a husband to want to have sex with his wife? It’s the most natural and fun thing for a married couple to do.
Why are you doubting yourself? If he’s reaching out for you, then girl – let yourself have some pleasure.
Of course, these issues can be helped through an appointment with a therapist, exercise, and improved eating habits. There are ways to build your confidence without just having sex to improve it.
And as for your body and its needs – review the medications you’re on. Some medications can decrease your libido.
Get your blood tested if you can and see how that might be affecting your sex drive.
If you are nearing the age of menopause or having early onset menopause, that could be a factor, too.
Reviewing your own needs to better understand your partner’s need is wise – and helpful for both of you.
What if it’s deeper than DNA or emotional hiccups?
Here is another option – one that might take some deep soul searching.
If you got married because it seemed like the right thing to do and you do love your husband, but never quite got on board with sex…
Have you considered asexuality?
Being asexual means not enjoying the acts of sexual intimacy. You feel romantic love or at least a deep bond with your partner, but lust, sex, all of that seems gross to you.
Hence the disgust when your husband’s hands are on your body. Or other parts.
Do you simply perform sex to be an agreeable wife? Or do you engage with it and enjoy it?
Asexuality might seem foreign to you at first. But the more you learn about it, the less strange your feelings or actions become.
Suddenly, it’s not that you’re averse and angry with your husband. It’s that you find intimate, invasive touches to be disgusting in general.
And this might change the course of your marriage, it could even result in divorce.
But it could also set you and your husband free from shame, resentment, and a shattered future.
In the end, we want to love and desire our partners for who they are.
If this is not the case for you, then do not deny your feelings any longer. Liberate yourself, your husband, and the path of your marriage.