I Have A Boyfriend but I’m In Love with A Girl, What Should I Do?

First, The Boyfriend:


Before we talk about the girl – let us talk about what it means to have a boyfriend. 


Having a boyfriend comes with societal benefits – there’s no way around that truth. 


When women change their status from Single to In a Relationship on their social media – celebration occurs. People think – “Ah, look at her, finding love with a man and falling in line with the rest of the world.


Good for her. What a relief.” 


Of course, there are many reasons why women are with their boyfriends.


Love and Sexual Attraction are the leading factors, as they should be.


But what about the other reasons?


What little voices are you continuing to ignore because you’re scared of what it could mean for you in the long run?


Evaluate your Thoughts:


Do you look at your boyfriend and think – 

“Being with him doesn’t excite me. But it beats being alone.”


Do you look at your boyfriend and think


“My parents are nagging me about having a man, so this is easier.”


“I like our physical relationship, but he’s not compatible with me emotionally.”


Or on the flip side of that thought…

“I like our emotional relationship, but physically I’m not attracted to him.” 


Are you denying yourself a fully realized and fulfilling relationship to blend in? 


The fear or confusion you feel about your same-sex attraction is valid. There are so many people who battle with their mind and heart because life has told them they were wrong to ever step outside of the norm. 

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And say you are a fully realized bisexual/pansexual woman who knows how to navigate your attraction to the same and opposite genders. 


And so, you love and feel attraction to your boyfriend, but you are also moved towards the woman who gives you that same sensation. You don’t want to hurt him, but you’re also honest about who you are and what you want.


You are just struggling with the idea of losing either one of your partners because your heart is straying. 


You don’t want to hurt your boyfriend. You don’t want to hide your heart from the girl who gives you butterflies.


So, what then?


These are questions you must mull over before you can move forward. 


And once you’ve given yourself time to unwind those complicated feelings in your chest – what about them? 


What if the girl you love doesn’t love you back?

What if you’ve spent all this time agonizing and your boyfriend doesn’t love you back?


What if you’ve been holding off on your happiness because of fear and indecision?


Ways to Move Forward:


Well, here are some options. 


  • If you’ve decided that your boyfriend is not for you – break it off in the gentlest way possible. 


Oftentimes men can feel insulted to know their girlfriend has decided to move on with another woman.



In the best scenario possible you’ve got a boyfriend who understands the world of LGBT+ and can let it go. 

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In the worst scenario – he doesn’t. 


So, you break it off with him quietly – delete his presence from your social media, and then pursue the woman you are in love with. 


It won’t be easy, but your future happiness is worth the break.


  • Say you love your boyfriend just as much as you love the girl. Now what? 


Say you love your boyfriend just as much as you love the girl


To start, you can let those feelings linger and see what happens. 


If your love for the girl is true, and if it consumes you – talking with her about it first is crucial. 


You need to know where you stand with her. 


If she loves you back, then it’s your duty to talk to your boyfriend. 


You love him – and, hopefully, he returns those feelings. Now what?


Well in a dream scenario – they both would love you enough to accept a potential future of polyamory.


For reference – polyamory is when someone is in a relationship with more than one person at the same time. Sometimes this can develop into a triad – where all three are in a relationship. 


This may not be the outcome of a conversation with the two of them – but it is a possibility. And it is something you should consider when addressing your feelings for them and the complications that arise.


  • Tell them both how you feel with little to no expectations. 


After all, you must consider their feelings.


Stringing your boyfriend along while harboring love for another is wrong.

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Keeping the reality of your feelings from the girl you’re in love with robs you both of a future.


Yes, you risk losing them both. 


Yes, you risk losing one but keeping the other.


But what should not be at risk is your turmoil over loving a woman – embrace your feelings and accept the outcome.


It is far better than denying who you are and the truth of your heart.


It’s Scary – but it’s Worth it


I know, it’s a lot to grasp. Change can be scary, public opinion might be important to you. 


The situation you’re in with your boyfriend could provide security and comfort. Sure, you might lack the passion and love you deserve, but you’re surviving. You’ve told yourself that’s enough for you.


And now you’re aware of what it feels like to be in love with someone who smashes those rules you live in. A woman who gives you every feeling you’ve ever wanted to experience. 


The trick is not to allow the feelings of fear or uncertainty overshadow the feeling of your true, passionate, romantic love. 


And to not allow those feelings to make you destructive.


Consider your boyfriend and his heart.


Consider the heart of the girl you love.


And finally, consider your own – and if you can live with loving in secret, or if you need to express what is true for you.


Love is powerful – but it is not a bomb meant to hurt people and upend your life.


If you give yourself patience, room to think, and gentleness – with a large dash of bravery – you can gain a love that lasts a lifetime. 


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