Kids are probably the most challenging things you will ever encounter in life. They don’t come with a manual so you have to really figure out what works or don’t work with bringing up kids. Kids are also very different from other people and they have their own personalities so it’s like there’s a clear-cut one-size fits all solution for everybody.
Since everybody’s having kids, some people might think that it is easy to deal with and bring up kids. The reality is, nobody will ever tell you how hard and challenging having kids brings about.
It will change your life and your relationship with your partner. It might be the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do and it’s normal to have regrets about things, especially if things don’t turn out your way.
Even though being a parent is hard, the rewards that you get from it is immeasurable. You will never be anyone’s dad or mom but just to your kids and that’s what makes it so special.
It is normal to have feelings of regret and resentment when you become a parent. You might think something is wrong with you and you might have to think that it’s a problem.
Here are some things that you can do when you are feeling regret over having kids:
- Look into yourself and find the bigger issue
I think the biggest thing that you can do is to take a deep look into your own being and ask the question “Why am I feeling this way?” The regret that you are feeling might have a deeper problem or issue that you are feeling.
You might have feelings of regret because you are feeling like you are losing time for yourself or your partner. Kids take up a lot of time and patience and you might feel like you are losing your individuality and you are just plain “mom” or “dad”.
Knowing the reason why you are feeling regret about having kids will give you a chance to work towards these negative feelings and pinpoint an underlying issue you might not even know about. Regretting having kids can also come about your own feeling of not being able to provide for them properly whether it is financially or your time.
You should know that as long kids feel safe and loved, they are fine. They don’t need fancy cars or houses or material things. As long as they have somebody who loves them and cares for them, this is more than enough for them.
- Know that nothing lasts forever
If your feelings of regret are caused by not having enough time for yourself or your partner, know that this too shall pass. Kids will grow up and leave the house and we only have a small window of time when we can call them babies and live in our homes. One day, when they’re all grown up, you will look back and think that the situation was not that bad and you don’t regret having kids anymore.
If you feel like you are regretting having kids because of the particular age that they are in, remember that they will grow out of this phase. You will go through different developmental cycles with your children, the challenge doesn’t go away but it will keep evolving and changing until your kids develop their own personalities.
- You can’t control anything else but yourself
You should know that there are things you can and can’t control. If you already have children, you can’t change this fact and one day decide that you don’t want to be a parent anymore.
One thing that you can control though is your feelings towards your children. If you regret having them, this will show through your actions and they will feel unwanted and lost.
If you truly love your kids, the only thing that you can control is your feelings towards them. By showing positivism and love, your kids will grow to know that these two things are important instead of harboring negative feelings towards you because you made them feel like you regretted having them.
It is a process and parenting is not for everybody, but parenting doesn’t come with a manual or a book so you have to figure out what works for you that will help nurture your kids and you as a parent.
- Take time for yourself
Parenting never ends and like any other jobs we hold, it can lead to burnout. If you feel like you are at your wit’s end, it’s important to take a day or two and focus on yourself.
You can leave your kids with your partner, family members or friends so that you can focus on bettering yourself. They always say that we give a lot to kids and we’re left with nothing else for ourselves. This shouldn’t be the case because you are human too and have your own needs.
You will be a better parent and feel better about yourself once you’ve unplugged and get some me-time. It is important to nurture your own self so that you can feel good about yourself and be the awesome parent that you truly are. With all the pressure to be perfect parents from other people and social media, it is hard to compare yourself to others and see where you are failing.
Rather than compare yourself to other people, it is important that you are secure with yourself and most importantly, happy. A happy parent is instrumental in making your kids happy and loved. Your kids will rather have a happy parent than a perfect one so stop stressing too much about things.
Regret is a normal feeling to have especially when it comes to having kids because it is truly life-changing. Remember that you can’t control what others think and feel but you can control how you think and feel. It is all about being in control of yourself and having positive reinforcements to take out negative ideas and truly being happy with yourself as a parent.