Being secretly in love with your best friend is highly romanticized in movies. The plot is about two best friends who are madly in love with each other and the friendship booms into a passionate relationship, and they all live “happily ever after”!
However, the reality is a little bit different; it’s not that simple. Most often, these relationships will be complicated and there’s a lot at stake that people don’t want to risk. And sometimes, people tend to confuse their feelings towards their best friend and often confuse platonic friendships with passionate chemistry.
What’s even more confusing, these movies made us believe that it’s okay to dump your boyfriend for your best friend because that relationship is more likely to last. In reality, that doesn’t have to be completely true! That’s why it’s natural to be extremely confused if we were in such a situation.
You could be in the most loving relationship with your boyfriend, but your best friend comes along and confesses his feelings for you. And now, you’re confused! Could you be walking away from the greatest love story? Or could you be giving up your true chance at love with your best friend?
My best friend is in love with me but I have a boyfriend!
How would we ever decide what’s the best move for us? How would we decide who’s our perfect match? How do we know that we’re making the right choice?
Well, no one can make up your mind for you, but there are questions you need to ask yourself in order to help you with this decision.
1- Consider Your Feelings On This
Does his confession confuse you? Does it possibly change your feelings towards your current boyfriend? Does it make you reconsider your relationship status?
The most important question of all would be: “If I didn’t have a boyfriend and my best friend told me he was in love with me, what would I have done?”
If you were single, would you give him a shot? Would he make you happy? Do you think it could be mutual?
If the answer was “yes”, then you probably need time to figure out who you truly want to be with.
2- Consider How It’s Affecting Your Relationship
Is your friend’s feelings affecting your relationship? Are you constantly talking about him?
Does your boyfriend seem irritated about this? Is this subject starting to get on his nerves? Do you feel like he’s jealous?
If you’re unable to stop thinking about him; if you’re unable to stop blabbering about this, you need to see how this is affecting your relationship! You’re hurting your boyfriend and he’s irritated because he senses that you might have feelings for your best friend.
This also greatly depends on your current relationship status! Are you happy with your boyfriend? Or do you fight all the time? Does it seem like your best friend is always there when your boyfriend upsets you?
3- Consider How It’s Affecting Your Friendship
Do you think that the only reason you’re obsessing about this is because you’re afraid to lose your friendship?
Then you probably don’t feel the same way about him, and you’re only afraid that it will only sabotage the friendship.
Or are you feeling confused because you think this could be great but you don’t want to lose him if things go wrong?
4- Give Yourself Time And Space
If you’re still confused and you feel unable to answer the questions above, then you need to give yourself the time and space to really reflect on this.
Ask yourself: “What do I want?”
Do you want to risk what you already have with your boyfriend just because you’re curious? Or do you strongly believe that you will be happier with your best friend?
In the meantime, your boyfriend deserves to know the truth. Chances are that he already feels like something is going on! You need to be honest with him and tell him you need time to think. At this point, it’s really up to him if he wants to hang around while you make up your mind or if he wants to let go.
You owe him the truth! Imagine if it was the other way around, would you want him to hide his feelings from you? Would you want him to secretly think about his best friend and you’re just sitting there clueless?
5- Make Up Your Mind
What’s the next step? What do you want to do?
You need to move forward; you can’t keep them both hanging! It’s unfair to them and it’s unfair to you.
You can’t stay in a relationship when your heart is with someone else. And you definitely can’t keep your best friend hanging on a thread of hope. If you don’t feel the same way about him, you need to let him know so he can find peace and get over it.
6- Take Action
If you need to break up with your boyfriend, then do it already. But do it nicely. The longer you wait, the more hurt he’s going to be.
If you need to let your best friend know that you don’t reciprocate his feelings, then let him know already. You’re giving him false hope!
In another scenario, if you’re unhappy in your current relationship and you don’t feel the same way about your best friend, it’s time to be alone.
Don’t be afraid to be single, take the time to be with yourself. Take the time to fall in love with yourself away from others. You will always be confused about your feelings towards others if you don’t really like yourself.