You surprise your girl with a homemade dinner and you bring her red flowers; but instead of enjoying the date, your girl says that her ex used to bring her different kinds of flowers. When the night ends, you only end up with your dark thoughts and that void growling in your stomach asking you what went wrong.
You keep wondering to yourself “why does she bring him up every time she has the chance to do so? Do I have to be reminded of him every now and then? Will everything I ever do be compared to what he did?”
Whether she talks positively or negatively about her ex, you can’t help but feel bad. Whether it was good or bad, this obsession means that she’s still thinking about him. Does it mean that she’s not over him? Does it mean she will get back to him and leave you?
What should you do if your girlfriend keeps talking about her ex?
1- How often does she talk about it
There’s a huge difference between mentioning your ex once or twice in a relevant conversation, vs jumping at every opportunity to mention his name.
For instance, the subject of ex-lovers is visited in some point of the relationship. It’s completely normal to be curious about each other’s past and to know where your partner is coming from.
However, it’s not normal if your girl suddenly mentions her boyfriend when you’re on a vacation. It’s not normal to discuss what her ex had for lunch when you’re making out with her.
Does she talk about him in bed? Does she bring his subject when you’re doing romantic activities? Does she mention his name when you’re discussing work and the weather?
2- How is she talking about him
Watch your girlfriend’s tone when she’s talking about him. Do you think she’s still obsessing over him because he traumatized her? Is she still not over the wounds of an abusive relationship? Or is she hung up on him because he was the one that got away?
Consider the reason why they broke up. Was it cheating? Or was it only indifference? Do you think she’s talking about him because she’s still mad and hurt, or because she still loves him?
Does she have negative or positive feelings towards him?
If her feelings are negative towards him, it might mean that you will be paying his debt and making up for his mistakes. If her feelings are positive towards him, it might mean that you’re just a rebound and she might get back to him if he shows the slightest interest.
3- How to look out for concerning behaviors
There are concerning behaviors your girl might do that you should look out for. It may include some or most of the following:
- She is startled if his name is mentioned, even if it’s a completely different person.
- She brings him up on every occasion. If you’re introducing her to your mama and she still manages to mention him one way or another, that’s your deal-breaker.
- She’s always comparing you with him. Whenever you do something and whatever you do, she will compare and contrast between you two.
- She still freezes when she hears their “song” on the radio. For instance, you might realize that Ed Sheeran’s songs seem to put her in a completely different mood.
- She still talks to him every now and then. Is she telling you that they’re friends and that she needs to check up on him?
- She is still wearing that woven bracelet he gave her many years ago. Does she seem attached to moments that remind her of him? Does she seem unable to let go?
- You seem to bump into him quite often. Did she seem persistent about going to a specific restaurant? She probably knows that he hangs out there and wants the chance to bump into him.
- She is still stalking every girl he hangs out with. Does she stalk him on social media? Is she still replaying that Instagram story that his friend downloaded so she can get a glimpse of him?
4- How is it affecting your relationship
Is her attachment to the ex-boyfriend affecting your relationship? Is it keeping you from enjoying the moments that you should be enjoying? Is it turning the butterflies in your stomach into spiteful pain?
Is it ruining your very first things in the relationship? Did it ruin the first kiss and the first time you said: “I love you”?
Does your girlfriend seem so connected to him that she’s unable to connect to you?
There’s no way you can have feelings for someone and shower someone else with the same feelings.
Are her feelings towards him stifling your relationship from prospering and moving forward?
5- How to move forward
Why would you want to be with someone who daydreams about someone else? Are you willing to share your girlfriend with her ex-lover?
Talk to her and see where she stands. Let her know that you’re not willing to share her, and let her know that the heart only fits one person and that she has to choose.
Let her know that you deserve to enjoy the milestones of the relationship and that she needs to get on board or the relationship is doomed to end.
You deserve to be with someone who would jump if they heard your song on the radio. You deserve to be with someone who would daydream about the way you kissed them last night.
You deserve to be with someone who would keep sniffing their shirt because they can still smell your perfume on it. You deserve to be with someone who would keep reliving the first time you swam in the ocean with them.
If she is not letting go of her old memories, she will always be unable to create new ones.