Look – I get it.
2020 was a year of isolating loneliness. The desire to connect is rampant. We as human beings crave intimacy with other people.
If you spent time with a partner during the past year – locked away – and you were dumped during all that –
Do. Not. Go. Back.
If you spent the year of 2020 and beyond alone, post-break-up, and you have become more acquainted with the size of your pores than a partner –
Do. Not. Go. Back.
This world is big – and in it are single people just like you looking for a future with a partner that wants to hang onto them.
You don’t understand – I’m Lonely.
The world understands. We are all stumbling through our lives, looking for people to share it with. Being alone during global panic sucks – big time!
But you know what else sucks?
Being with someone who made you feel alone, worthless, or neglected.
Look into yourself right now and ask: What were the bad parts of being with my ex?
Don’t linger on the good stuff. Don’t lie to yourself.
Beyond the sex, kissing, and dating here or there – what were the parts of being with your ex that sucked?
They lied to you. They ignored you. They dumped you without a warning. Or maybe they dumped you after a long speech that just hurt your feelings in the end.
You don’t understand – They’ve Changed.
Do you know what a poor sign of change?
The entire meaning behind changing is so that we can move forward. If your ex is peddling back to get with you – do not take that as a sign of them getting better.
And if they truly have changed, have they apologized to you? Have they come back to you, groveling, admitting they were wrong?
There must be a process, a reconciliation. Taking an ex back with little to no difficult conversation on why they left you in the first place sets a troubling precedent.
Chances are your ex is lonely, too.
And if they knew they had a chance to get back with you, they took it. It was an easy way to get hooked back up with someone.
But if they are indecisive about being with you – they could up and dump you again.
Relationships are no walk in the park but the desire to stay together often fuels difficult conversations and compromise.
Your ex has shown they are not as dedicated to being with you as you are to them.
And you deserve to be more than someone’s backup plan.
You don’t understand – The Sex is Amazing!
While it could be extremely messy, establishing a solely sexual relationship with your ex could work.
Rather than take them back, the friends, or in this case exes, with benefits clause could apply here.
Now I am not endorsing this idea fully. Feelings linger after a relationship and if you are weakened by those it could go poorly for you.
However, if you are interested in the feeling of having someone in your bed now and then rather than being committed – it could work.
Just make sure you call the shots, make sure you make the rules.
You don’t understand – I Am Making the Rules.
Your ex came back around, sniffing to see if you were still interested in them. And you are – or maybe you are interested in taking the reins here.
So, you laid down the groundwork. You set up rules, clauses, expectations, and ultimatums.
You have your partner back.
But you also have paranoia, control issues, resentment, and laws that you can hold over your partner’s head.
Is that the kind of relationship you want to sink into for the rest of your life?
Do you even trust your ex any more to be a good, doting partner to you?
If the answer is no – they broke your trust the moment they dumped you, then…what are you doing, sweetheart?
Are you just that desperate?
Are you trying to prove to yourself that your ex does suck when they eventually overstep?
Or are you just so hungry for a little bit of control you are willing to sacrifice your peace of mind?
Whatever the case – understand that you are worth more than a relationship that does not stand on its merit.
Don’t Misunderstand Me – You Deserve the Best
The points made above are here to give you strength.
If you’re here, doubting your decision to go backward with your ex – then just know that you are not a weak person. Love is difficult and finding people we want to spend time with is special.
When your ex took that move, they displayed the desire not to be around you.
Whether it was from their issues of self-esteem or commitment issues –
Or if it was just because they decided they did not like you –
They made it clear they had no desire to build a life with you.
And sometimes, people do make poor decisions and have bad impulse control.
It happens. So maybe – just maybe – there is a little wiggle room for an ex that realized their mistake and changed their ways.
If the two of you have sat down to discuss why they dumped, you and resolved any past resentments then maybe your choice to take them back was warranted. I would say that you are well within your right to doubt, to ask them questions, and to maybe even seek couples counseling.
An ex willing to go the extra mile to get you back will sign up to fight that fight with you. They will want to keep the relationship alive and well.
But if you are back with an ex who makes you feel like you are on a dead-end path then you need to consider your future.
Where do you go from here?
Hopefully, you love yourself enough to choose a path that moves you forward.
A path a partner will readily walk hand in hand with you.