My mama once told me that getting back together with an ex-lover is like putting on worn underpants. Stinky, right?
It’s not just my mama who doesn’t support the ex, there are also many songs that basically warn you about getting back together with your ex. All with good reason!
As humans, we sometimes find it difficult to let go. In fact, we would rather get hurt again and again instead of asking the question of “what if”? What if we got back together and we lived happily ever after? What if this person was meant for me? What if we worked out our issues this time?
It’s true, we can’t deny the fact that there are some love stories that begin with getting back together with your ex-lover.
So how do you know if you should follow your heart? Should you get back together with your ex? Or should you put your story to an end?
Before jumping back into the relationship, consider the following questions to help you decide if you should get back together with your ex-girlfriend.
1- Why Did You Ever End It?
The first question you need to ask yourself: “Why did we break up?” Was it something that you believe you can easily work out? Or was it something big that you’re still unable to get over?
For instance, it would be much easier to get back with someone who didn’t cheat on you instead of getting back with someone who did cheat. Moreover, breaking up because you didn’t call her enough isn’t the same as breaking up because you had a serious drinking problem.
Do you believe that the reason behind your breakup is something drastic? Or is it something you can work through? Do you think the damage is irreversible? Or do you think your issues are fixable?
2- Are You Willing To Change?
Are both of you ready to change after this time off? Are you willing to take responsibility for your part? Do you think this time will be different? Did you both own up to your own mistakes?
If you still believe that you don’t need to change and that you’re so perfect, the relationship is never going to work out. For instance, if your ex-girlfriend broke up with you because you never called her enough or barely initiated, are you willing to change?
A successful relationship is nowhere near perfect; however, it is based on humility, understanding, and acceptance. “Humility” is when you let go of the pride that keeps you blind from seeing your own mistakes, and “understanding” is when you understand that neither one of you is perfect. And “acceptance” is when you accept each other’s mistake and still love each other unconditionally.
3- How Do You Feel About Them?
Ask yourself this: “How do I feel about them now?”
Do you feel angry when you think about your ex? Do you feel like you still need answers from them and that you never thought they would do this to you? Do you feel like you never got closure from them? Perhaps getting back together with them is all about closure!
Or do you feel like you can breathe again and that you’re just starting to feel like yourself again? Do you wish them all the goodness in this world? Or would you rather see them fry in hell?
Remember that it’s easy to feel like something is missing, and it’s easy to be blinded by nostalgia. Nostalgia can paint the breakup in bright colors and can impair you from seeing the ugly truth. Nostalgia can actually romanticize a relationship that has no romance to begin with!
Deciding to get back together with someone should not only be based on the good times; you also have to weigh the bad times!
4- Do You Remember How They Made You Feel?
Were you lonely in the relationship? Did it feel like you were the only one who was trying? Did they publicly embarrass you?
Or were you in a loving relationship but you broke up for reasons beyond your control? For instance, many couples break up due to long distance. Moreover, many couples break up because they couldn’t get along with each other’s families.
Remembering how they made you feel while you were in the relationship is a huge factor in making a decision.
It’s easier to get back with someone who made you feel like you were on the top of the world, instead of someone who made you feel like crap all the time!
5- Why Do You Want Them Back?
Never get back together with someone just because you feel lonely. Remember that it takes time to adjust to the fact that this person is not a part of your life anymore. You have to rebuild your life without the other person.
Don’t take your ex-girlfriend back just because all your friends are moving on with their lives and you have no one to hang out with.
Or do you want them back because you know in your heart that they’re the only one for you? Do you want them back because you genuinely want to give the relationship another chance?
6- Can You Imagine The Future?
Can you imagine your future with this person? Do you see yourself living in a house with them? Do you see yourself sharing a child with them?
If you picture your ex-girlfriend as the future mother of your children, then you have to try to get back together.
However, if you feel like you’re unsure about your future together, you need to consider getting back together with her.
If the future seems dark and you believe that you fought frequently, then why are you willing to go through this all over again? If she hurt you and made your life a living hell, why do you think this time will be different?