Attraction By Definition
I’m not sure if the word “dictionary” is even used anymore, so let’s be honest…I Googled the word ‘attraction’, and this is what came up:
- the action or power of evoking interest, pleasure, or liking for someone or something.
- “the timeless attraction of a good tune”
- a quality or feature that evokes interest, liking, or desire.
“this reform has many attractions for those on the left”
- a place which draws visitors by providing something of interest or pleasure.
“the church is the town’s main tourist attraction”
When we think of the word ‘attraction’ I’d say most assume it is referring to something physical. As you can see based on the actual definition it goes beyond that. Let’s dive deeper.
Different Levels Of Attraction
In my humble opinion there are 2 types of attraction. Surface level and then the deeper level.
- Surface level. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having physical traits on your check list for the ‘perfect partner’. In fact, it’s kind of necessary, right? For example, before I found ‘the one’ my list included a guy who was at least 6’0 tall and at least a medium build. This is just the kind of person I pictured myself with based on what I like. And that’s exactly what I married. Have I ever not dated a guy because he didn’t meet those 2 requirements, no…but what I found was if there weren’t other qualities (surface or deeper) there to make up for what he was lacking physically – I just lost interest.
At the same time, if I met a guy who did meet those 2 requirements, it then caused me to be able to overlook other qualities that I maybe wasn’t too crazy about. Make sense?
So, while those surface level points of attraction are very important, they aren’t necessarily deal breakers. In some cases, the physical attraction isn’t even realized until after you’ve established other connections within your relationship.
- Deeper level. I’m fine with those who say physical attraction should be considered deep as well, to each their own. But more for the sake of clarifying because physical attraction is usually not enough to carry a relationship for the long haul in terms of attraction.
You’ve heard of emotional affairs happening. The attraction has something to do with a more intellectual level of connecting. Often this person is giving you something you are not getting at home.
Intellectual and Emotional are examples of deeper level attraction. Intellectual…you may have a strong interest in a certain topic or hobby and find someone who shares an affinity for that same thing. Bonding over a common interest is a great way to draw in closer to someone and become attracted.
Emotional…simply getting to know someone can be the start to this attraction. When you talk on a regular basis, become friends and then start to confide in each other. While you can very much develop a strong friendship, it’s also a perfect storm for an attraction.
So, What DOES Attract A Woman To A Man At First Sight?
It depends on the woman, but for the guy’s sake let’s give some specific examples. Some that may even surprise you.
- When a man is treating his girl right. It may seem counterintuitive, but when a girl sees a guy tending to his girl and showing her attention and complete focus, it’s attractive. Why? Well, there’s a good chance we are wishing for that kind of guy or that our current man could be more like that. Either way, when a guy is being a gentleman – we notice and it’s attractive.
- Eyes, hair, lips, skin…. Yes, the physical. Guys, the best tip here is to play up your best features. Present yourself in a well-groomed manner and like you care about your appearance. You have no idea what the next girl is going to be looking for from a physical standpoint so just keep it all in tip top shape. And don’t forget about the occasional mani/pedi – it’s not girly, it’s hygiene!
- We love a deep voice. Ok, let me rephrase that…I love a deep voice LOL. Not too deep, but enough that it has that manly tone to it. For some girls it’s an accent. Let me rephrase that…. Most girls love an accent. Most guys with accents know that. Play it up and for the love of all that is foreign, make sure you know and say our name multiple times in conversation with that voice/accent – HOT!
- Be a great dad. Whether we have kids or dreams of having kids or dreams of never having kids…being gentle and playful shows a real soft side of a guy that is hard to not be attracted to.
- Don’t be afraid to talk to us, even when you’re with your girl. Not that it causes me to be attracted, but I definitely take note when a guy can come up to me and have casual small talk even if his girl is present. It’s a turn on to see a guy be loyal to his girl (see the first bullet) but it’s a turn off to see him be so loyal that he feels weird casually chatting with other women. Innocent, social, small talk…it’s not a crime.
- Confidence. NOT to be confused with an ego, there is a fine line. We love a guy who walks in a room and has confidence. However, he may exude that. I’m picturing a guy who walks in, acknowledges others with a hello and handshake and even a smile to those he’s never met. Head held high, walking with a purpose and never met a stranger. As a woman, we manage to translate that in about 10 seconds into a guy who probably isn’t going to have trust issues with his girl, can hold his own at a party and is well liked by those around him.
Because it varies from woman to woman, the best advice for a guy – as cheesy as it may seem – is to just be you but be the best you possible. Let your great qualities shine, put them on display in an inviting way and you’ll attract the kind of girl who has already had her interest peaked!