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What Do I Do If I Have A Boyfriend But I Like Another Guy?

I was only 19 when I met my first real boyfriend; I knew I was hooked from the very start. Our relationship was a mixture of love, hate, warmth, and loneliness. Yes, it was a very complicated relationship, but the love was there.

 

I got my first tattoo with this guy, I swam for the first time in the ocean with him, I traveled for the very first time with him. He had a hold on many of my firsts. Travis made me feel so alive and wild; every day was an adventure with him!

 

Travis and I were inseparable for more than four years until I had to go away for college. I only met the other guy in science class; he was everything Travis wasn’t. At first, I didn’t feel anything for him, although he showed interest in me from the very first day. 

 

To be honest, I thought he was rather ordinary and even boring. However, we naturally became friends- he was in all of my classes and we often studied together.

 

It was only after a while that this “boring” guy started appearing more attractive to me. He was stable, put together, confident and he knew everything he wanted from this life. 

 

I found myself attracted to his calmness…to this stability. There was something about him that made me feel so safe, unlike Travis, who has to live his life wildly and freely! 

 

I started thinking to myself: “Why are you drawn to the wild one who will never settle down? I wanted a family of my own one day, I wanted stability, I wanted a Volvo, I wanted to drink tea on Sundays and cheer for my kids at their football game.”

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I kept convincing myself that this crush is just a phase and that I’m only attracted to John because of what I lack in my relationship with Travis. But deep down inside, I knew it wasn’t true.

 

I didn’t know how to handle the situation and it made me feel like I was a horrible human being. When I look back, I wish that I’d done things differently; if I’d done things differently, maybe Travis wouldn’t have been this hurt.   

 

What would you do if you had a boyfriend and liked another guy?

 

1- Consider The Status of Your Relationship

 

Before deciding to end your current relationship, ask yourself this question: “What is my relationship status?” To help you decide, here are few questions:

 

  • Are you happy in this relationship?
  • How often do you fight? 
  • Do you share the same beliefs and do you agree on the major things?
  • Do you spend much time apart?

 

Are you happy in this relationship

 

If you’re not happy, if you’re constantly fighting, if you don’t have much in common, and if the time apart doesn’t bother you, then maybe this relationship isn’t for you! Maybe it’s time to move on! It’s only natural for you to feel attracted to someone else in this scenario.

 

2- Consider The Future of Your Relationship

 

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Is your current relationship going somewhere? And is this “somewhere” something you both agree on? For instance, the relationship is doomed to fail if you want to get married one day, but he doesn’t believe in marriage. 

 

Ask yourself these questions:

 

  • Do I imagine my future with this guy?
  • Are we already making future plans?
  • Does he imagine his future with me?

 

If you’re on a different page, you should consider moving on. For example, why would you stay with someone who doesn’t want kids one day? Or why would you want to fight for someone who doesn’t even believe in settling down?

 

3- Consider The Consequences of Your Actions

 

Before running away with the other guy, keep in mind that cheating will only traumatize your partner; he will hold that wound for a very long time. Moreover, it will only make your crush trust you less, because he will also have the doubt that one day you will leave him just like you left the other guy. 

 

Your best tactic here is HONESTY! You have to be honest with yourself and with both of them. Before you cheat, give yourself time to figure out your feelings once and for all. And never act on your crush before ending the relationship with your current boyfriend. 

 

Yes, honesty will hurt him at first, but it’s never as bad as cheating.

 

4- Imagine Your Life Without Him

 

Imagine Your Life Without Him

 

What would your life look like if your current boyfriend is NOT in it? Do you think you will never be able to live without him? Or do you just hate the fact that you have to hurt him but you’re going to be okay without him?

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If you don’t see yourself with anyone else, then maybe this is just a phase. It’s normal to experience crushes when you’re in a long-term relationship; the difference is how you act based upon these feelings. 

 

If this is only a phase, consider talking to your partner and let him know that you need to do things a little bit differently. Maybe you just need to rejuvenate the spark or you need to work on a certain issue. 

 

5- Consider What you Want

 

Ask yourself: “What do I want from this relationship?”

 

For me, I asked myself: “Do I want someone to make me feel young, wild, and free every day of my life? Or do I want stability, peace, and calmness?”

 

I knew I wanted a stable life because I lacked that while I was growing up and every bone of my body needed that.

 

I knew I had to face the music and I knew that I had to tell Travis about how I really feel. I only wish I’d done it sooner because I ended up hurting him since he had to find out from other people first. 

 

You owe it to yourself and your boyfriend to be honest about your feelings. You have every right to be happy, and so does he!

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