Loving someone is the most vulnerable you will ever make yourself. You are giving your spouse the keys to your heart, but also sharing with them your greatest weaknesses.
If you are at the mental, emotional or physical crossroads that are leading you to ask what should I do if my husband doesn’t love me anymore, chances are he’s already checked out in some form or fashion.
Finding out where he stands is vital for the future of your relationship. Once you know where your husband’s mind, heart and body are, you will also be able to answer that question with clarity.
Taking time to sort through the FACTS and not just the emotions that are running through your brain is the best way to navigate these unclear waters.
Take an assessment in the following steps to check in with where your husband is at.
Consider this a checkpoint to get back on the same page to see what can be done, or if nothing can be done.
The first step: check in with your husband’s mental commitment to the marriage
The mind is easily persuaded, and often misguided. If you are asking whether your husband still loves you, chances are you are trying to peer into his mind. Before you go any further you NEED to stop and have those hard, raw conversations with him.
Just know, this can be very dangerous because assumptions come from trying to assume or guess, rather than knowing. Which is why you need to hear it from him.
And after all, knowing is better than assuming.
In order to check in with your husband’s mental state you can do a few different things.
1) Flat out ask if you are still the woman he is fantasizing about in his mind
2) See where he is spending his time, money and energy. Those are areas occupying his mind
3) Don’t be pushy
4) Take some initiative to test the waters and plan a time for the two of you to talk, eat a special dinner or have a kid-free conversation.
5) Make the peace with yourself now because you may not get clear answers
The next step: an emotional evaluation of where the two of you are at
Obviously, there are some emotional imbalances in your relationship. If you are gripping to the idea that he is no longer in love with you, but you are trying to figure it out, then you need to continue trying to see where the disconnect is happening.
The fact you are putting in the effort to secure your marriage is a good indication you still want the marriage to stand, but this is where your partner is faltering with emotional disconnection.
The relationship’s emotional balance is so important, in marriage there are going to be days and times when you have to lean on one another.
He needs to be clear as to whether this is one of those weak moments your partner is needing to lean on your strong support to pull you both through.
Being emotionally supportive means:
- Letting them vent, or communicate where their head is at, without judgement
- Accepting that you have to be the strong one
- Knowing when your partner is pulling away from you and resenting you for trying to following
The time may come in the relationship where you have to cut ties, because despite your best efforts, it’s doing more damage to the relationship. Husbands, men or boyfriends tend to get very spiteful when you start asking to talk about their feelings.
They will see the conversation as you being insecure, and get irritated right away. Just don’t take it to heart, and keep trying to convey you know something is off but you want to resolve it.
The final step: evaluate the physical commitment your husband has to the marriage
This doesn’t just mean sexual intimacy, but is also about where his time and energy are going. Making it a good tell for where his mind and his emotions are.
- Is he always on his phone?
- Does he pay attention to those little details that you said during the day? ● Is he spending his money going out to bars but never asking you to go along with him? ● Do you have large purchases but don’t know about them?
Anything questionable behavior done in repetition is cause for conversation. Needing some time alone or time with other guys is one thing, but going to the bar every night after work and avoiding coming home to you (or the family responsibilities) is completely different.
Do still consider your sex life, there is certainly something to say for the level of intimacy in your relationship. Every relationship has a dry patch, so it is no indication your marriage is failing if there are no sexual interactions.
Be aware a lack of physical affection may be an indication that satisfaction may be coming from other aspects to satisfy your husband.
Which is why checking in with your husband’s mental space is so important.
After taking the mental, emotional and physical evaluation, log the results
If you have to write down the results, answers, or any of the information, that’s perfectly fine. It may take some writing to get your thoughts and emotions on paper.
Leading you to a more stable conclusion, and a less emotional thought process.
As women, we tend to get very emotional and forget how to be rational. But taking the time to sit down and have a heart-to-heart conversation or logging anytime you feel unloved is essential to work through this process of feeling unloved by your husband.
It will help track behavior but also any occurrences that you may have insecurities about. Getting thoughts out can sometimes show you how trivial the topic may be, but also be a way to see patterns and inconsistencies.
Once you have your journal, find someone to confide in
Preferably somebody who is not emotionally tied to a situation, but can walk you through your rational line of thinking and still provide a non-biased opinion.
The best thing you can have is a friend to tell you when you’re being insecure, or when you’re being justified.
Choosing a spouse to confide in is the most vulnerable you’ll ever make your heart. If you are doubting whether your husband still loves you, check in with your spouse’s emotional, mental and physical state.
Miscommunication or inaccurately making assumptions are big relationship killers. Sadly, you have to be the emotionally stable and mature one in the relationship when you feel like your husband no longer loves you.
It will be up to you to find out whether your family can be reinstated or whether your spouse is already checked out.