Why Did He Leave Me If He Loves Me?

How It All Began


You have been with your guy for over a year…things are fine, things are great in fact. The story of how you met is your favorite.


A rainy day, you wandered out knowing your hair did not stand a chance. Umbrella in hand, you went to the nearby coffee shop. 


You don’t actually like coffee that much, but you promised yourself you were going to get out more, because it’s hard to meet people while sitting alone in your apartment. There he was, he later tells you he hadn’t planned to get a second cup until you walked in. 


He timed it perfectly so that he would be in line behind you and easily be able to swoop in and give his order and pay for his and your drink before you even realized what happened. And…it worked!


His ice breaker was genius, if you were not available then he just looked like a great guy and if you were then you wouldn’t dare turn down his offer to sit at his table in this already crowded coffee shop. And that’s where the fairytale begins. 


He was perfect. Well, not perfect, but those surface level flaws that might have otherwise bothered you were not even noticeable, they simply didn’t matter anymore. He somehow fit perfectly into that mold you created in your mind, you know – the one your mother originally put there.

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He was perfect


You have met each other’s families, friends and even go to church together once in a while. Moving in together has been a topic of discussion on more than one occasion. 


One day, out of the blue, it’s over. Poof! Gone.


After a couple hours of the “it’s not you, it’s me” conversation, getting nonsensical answers to your endless questions and a promise that there was not “someone else”, you are left to wonder “Why Did He Leave Me If He Loves Me?”. 


Something didn’t add up. Many things don’t add up. Unfortunately, ladies, the cold, hard truth is…it’s over. Now it’s time for the good news. It really all boils down to 2 possibilities:


Where Did It Go Wrong?


1. The fun, laughter and joy you experienced together over the last year has been REAL! He really is that great man you think he is and expected to spend the rest of your life with.


 The best part – he really does love you, but only as a (get ready for it)…Friend. Ya. That’s painful and maybe it’s not even as a “friend” but whatever the love is, it’s not the romantic-spend-our-lives-together kind of love you need to feel before you walk down the aisle or get a joint checking account or however else you may choose to define a permanent relationship. 


So what now? Be sad. Cry a lot. Eat many carbs without regret.


But then pick a day in the near future that you will be done, move on and mentally wish him well. And do it. 

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2. He’s a jerk, he lied and you fell for it. He never loved you and you got played. What now? 


Well, as much as I’d like to advise you to do one of my many creepy (yet innocent) spy-type antics when a guy pisses me off – your time is much better spent with 1 – and only 1 – good cry and a bag of Cheetos. Followed by forgetting that guy and getting back to your fabulous self. 


Use the anger as fuel to create an even better version of yourself, one that will make him think twice next time you cross paths.  


What Do You Do Now?


Girl, now it’s your turn. He made a decision but that doesn’t mean he won’t come crawling back.


So this is your moment to also decide if you want him or not. What if he was wrong? Made a mistake?


What if the person he secretly left you for rejects him…and he comes crawling back? 


One of my favorite sayings is “People tell you who they are all the time” – and this guy has just shown you that he is someone who is (for whatever reason) not sure he wants to spend the foreseeable future with you. He has now thrown a wrench into any chance of you guys working things out.


If he comes crawling back? Make your decision now and stick to it. 


If he comes crawling back?


Want to wait for him with open arms because you know he will realize sooner than later where he has gone wrong? Fine.

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Go for it. Just be prepared for the sequel to this saga in case he once again makes a bad call. 


OR – want to pick up the pieces and move on from this mess that you are still trying to understand? Great. Go for it.


Just be prepared to be strong when those drunk texts and supposed accidental run-ins happen. The ball is now in your court. 


Don’t Make The Same Mistake Twice


Well, there really is no fool-proof way. That’s just not how life works, everything – including relationships – come with a risk.


In a future relationship, the roles could be reversed, and you might find it’s you who does not want to be with someone despite having strong feelings.


 It’s one of those things…that we don’t always understand. Or maybe we weren’t meant to understand and that’s why they call it “following your heart”.


The best you can do is try to pull any kind of lesson from this and other past relationships, attempt to be slightly more prepared and maybe even more cautious if needed. 


Most importantly, don’t let it get you so down that you can’t get back up. There are far worse things in life than spending time with someone who in the end has a change of heart.


Maybe that isn’t clear on day 1 or even day 10…but if you are someone who believes everything happens for a reason, then you patiently wait to get the answer to our favorite questions…”Why?”. 

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