Why Do Guys Come On Strong Then Pull Away?

Have you experienced a situation where the guy was all over you and suddenly you barely hear from him again? 


Rest assured you are not alone. Statistics show that the majority of guys come on strong and pull away. Why do they do this? Is it something you did or are they just wired that way?


11 Reasons Why Guys Come on Strong Then Pull Away


The Chase:

Guys enjoy the chase and like any other thing, the chase comes to an end. The adrenaline rush wanes and they have a desire to move on to something else. 


A guy will try his best to get a girl and when he gets her, he may not be inclined to keep up with the intensity of trying to get her.


There are different stages of a relationship with their corresponding level of attention, activities and so on. So it is expected that the initial stage of a relationship may not be the same as other stages.


He wants to process his feelings:

At the initial stage when attraction occurs, the man can be willing to do anything because he is driven by emotions. However, he will get to a point where he needs to process his feelings. At this point, he may pull away to do so.


He may need to detach himself from you for a while to figure out what he is feeling or make some decisions about the relationship. 



Some guys are naturally not consistent. They cannot keep up with someone for a long period so they pull away to catch their breath. They need to constantly take some time out to refuel or in some cases pursue other girls.

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Some guys are naturally not consistent


It is very unlikely that an inconsistent guy will keep the same momentum in a relationship. He will come on strong and pull away from time to time. 


Your Attitude:

You may not be as receptive as you think. Guys will move on when they realize you are not giving them a chance. If you play too hard to get whereas you are very interested, you may send him away without realizing it.


He may get a feeling that you do not want the interaction or he is bothering you which will make some guys pull away. Every guy wants someone who enjoys their company. Your actions towards him can make him pull away.


He is a player:

He can pull away if he was just messing with your feelings and looking for a catch. He may be a smooth talker who is out to get you drooling over him.


I remember a time when this guy was always checking on me, interested in everything I do and asking me out. I later found out he was trying to win a bet with his friends who told him he can not date me. They gave him a time frame to get me. Anyways, he lost the bet.


He wants you to miss him: 

Guys can pull away because they want you to miss them. Sometimes when a guy feels he is always in your space and all over you, he may try to pull away to allow you to notice his absence and then want him around.

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Pulling away can be his tactic to make you realize what you will be missing if they are no longer there. He will withdraw some attention and activities to make you need him.


He is afraid of commitment:


He is afraid of commitment


When a guy tries to ask a girl out, he will have his reasons but sometimes a girl wants more so she expects more. This can make him pull back especially if you are asking for more than he planned from the onset and he is not willing to do more.


If you come on stronger than his original plans, he may pull away. He probably has another idea or intention than what you are bringing on.


He wants to gauge your level of commitment:

After trying so hard to get you, they can pull away to test the waters, just to be sure you are as committed to the relationship as you should be.


A guy may feel he is the one doing everything to keep the interaction going and he needs some effort from you to assure him of your feelings. To achieve this, some guys pull away and expect you to come after them.


He needs to do other things: 

Every guy has other things they do apart from just being with you. Sometimes those other activities may require a lot of their attention at a particular point in time.


They pull away to get other things done so they can be with you later. Their work may be demanding. They may have a deadline to meet, a duty to perform or some projects to complete which is time-consuming.

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He wants to respect your decision:

Sometimes in all the mushiness going on, you may have made some statements that he wants to respect. He thinks he is doing what you want. 


You may have mentioned that you need some time to think about what he is proposing. So, he wants to give you time to think without interfering or influencing your decision in any way.


He will pull away if he thinks his presence will distort your thinking process or affect you in any way.


You are not what he wants:

One reason that you need to consider is that he probably has a wrong idea of who you were before getting to know you. Now that he has more information about you, he realized you are not exactly what he wants. Hence, he does not want you anymore.


From afar, we make some assumptions about others that we later find to be wrong. They may realize that your vibe does not gel with theirs so they need to pull away to find someone else.


Some of the reasons why guys come on so strong and pull away are things we can work on while some are things we can not do anything about. It is wise to know if you can do something about it or not.


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