The Honeymoon Phase
Anyone who has ever been in a relationship remembers the honeymoon phase. No matter how long or brief it was, usually we can recall a moment or two of some sort where we felt butterflies.
When we first realized we liked the other person. And most importantly, when we knew they liked us back.
It’s fun, right? The way your heart hurts a little when it takes way too long for him to text you back.
What seems like 5 hours is actually 5 minutes but just enough time for you to over-analyze your last text to him and where you may have gone wrong with your choice of words. Then it happens.
Somehow the sound of the “ding!” of an incoming text is better than any love song out there, it’s a sudden mood changer. And let’s be real, I did it and you did too.
You stare at the notification on your phone waiting to open the text just so you can simply let the anticipation last a little longer. And of course you then have to stall with your reply because we don’t want to let him know we were impatiently waiting and watching our phone for his response.
Don’t even try to fool yourself, or any of us. We’ve all been there, no shame in this game.
Happily Ever After…Or Something Like That
So your relationship progresses into whatever is next. Whether it’s moving in together, vacationing as a couple, getting a puppy or maybe all of the above plus a ring.
All signs point to things being great, and simply put – it’s because they are.
There are no guarantees in life, right? So you two have done the best to decide that you have found the right person to be with for the foreseeable future and on some level you have made a commitment to each other.
The plan is for you to share your lives together – maybe kids, maybe travel, maybe challenges…who knows what will come but one thing is for sure: you’re in it together.
What Changes After The Commitment
I think we’ve established that commitment comes in many forms. Marriage, mortgage, shared pets, whatever.
In my case, it’s marriage, then shared pets, mortgage and now kids, too. So ladies, I’ll share something with you, although it may not be well received.
I’ve seen so many memes and heard so many times in various ways that “You can’t change a man”. Honestly?
I think it’s a dumb saying. I think a more accurate saying would be “Don’t expect a man to change”. Seems similar but really, it’s not at all.
If you enter a relationship with a man and there is something you don’t like about him….he smokes, he lies, he has a temper. Whatever. These things can all change, but that’s up to him.
Enter that relationship knowing this is something you have to live with and best case scenario he sees the error of his ways and decides to make a change. But the key is it has to somehow be his idea, and he has to have good reason for it.
How many times have you heard someone (man or woman) say they are losing weight or quit smoking because they want to be around to see their kids grow up.
If you go into it understanding the idea of “Don’t expect a man to change” then that means whatever it is you don’t like you are willing to live with it and without giving him grief. He certainly has the ability to change and hopefully that will happen for your sake but expect to swoop in and be some kind of hero.
You will most likely be hugely disappointed.
So why am I telling you all this?
He’s Still Human. And So Are You.
So why the big lecture about changing/not changing him? You’re going to love this.
It’s because he is still human and because of that some things won’t change and shouldn’t change. You read that right.
Remember when we talked about that honeymoon phase? Whatever emotions, hormones, excitement you had for each other that caused the attraction….you still possess the ability to have all those feelings.
That feeling of attraction. It’s not like you lose that ability once you find your person. My opinion is, when you fall in love and commit your entire mentality changes.
Ladies, make your peace with this. Your man is human and so are you.
If you see a guy who is attractive by whatever your standards are and you don’t automatically think “wow, he’s hot” then something’s off. Same with guys. They aren’t blind and pretty girls do exist. If they stop for a second glance, so be it. Get over it.
Marriage vows are not broken by a glance or two. He knows what he has at home, which is all that and more. And beware, if you try to call him on it – most guys don’t want to be married to their mom.
Here’s a personal story. I was guilty of this…saw a guy at work and thought he was cute.
We were acquaintances and so we would chat from time to time. A little part of me did feel guilty, I should not be thinking this guy is cute AND chatting with him regularly.
I wasn’t at all breaking rules, crossing lines, etc. Finally one day something occurred to me. This guy looked really similar to my husband.
If I were to describe their physical appearance it would sound like the same guy. I had to laugh because I suddenly felt guilty, he looks a lot like my own husband, of course I would think he’s cute!
Dumb, I know but my point is – he looks because he’s human. And you should too. Take a look around you – a lot of pretty faces but at the end of the day that’s all they are.
Draw The Line
Life isn’t always that simple. Sometimes looking at other women can indicate bigger issues.
Is it happening frequently? Do you have other reasons to be suspicious? Save yourself the heartache of over thinking everything but also, follow your gut. Goodluck ladies!